ASD Terms

ASD means ‘Autistic Spectrum Disorder’.  I want to just say a bit about terms I prefer to use.  Some people say they have an ‘ASD’ or ‘Autistic Spectrum Disorder’.  People who have Asperger syndrome, like me, might say they are ‘Aspies’ or simply that they have Asperger syndrome or are on the autistic spectrum.

I prefer to say that I am ‘Mind-blind’.  I find this a very helpful phrase because it is largely self-explanatory.  One of the things I consider to be a common misconception about Asperger syndrome and other autistic spectrum disorders is that you can ‘learn to be typical’.   To a certain extent, and in some cases, we may appear ‘normal’ to the neurotypical observer, but one thing I believe most people on the autistic spectrum will never learn to do is become ‘Mind-sightful’.  They will never be able to intuitively see others’ intentions, or how their non-verbal signals connect to these. 

What sometimes happens with me is that I go off into anxiety, stress, indignation or anger over something someone has said or done, when actually it was totally innocuous.  When I have tried to explain why I make these mistakes, and how I perceived things at the time, I have been told that it is all very well people trying to learn to understand things from my point of view, but I have to learn to understand other people too.  I find this extremely frustrating being told this, because it implies that if I make a mistake it is because I am not trying hard enough.  It also assumes that it is possible for me to learn.  The term ‘Mind-Blind’ is very useful, because it really conveys the idea that you can no more teach a person on the autistic spectrum to intuitively understand other people than you can teach a blind person to see. 

Occasionally I get told that I wouldn’t be able to act or do theatre in the way I do, or that I wouldn’t be able to communicate as well with people, if I was mind-blind.  This too is illogical.  I know at least two people on the autistic spectrum who are exceptional actors.  Often we make up for our mind-blindness by overlearning minute body signals, expressions, turns of phrase, tones of voice, different postures and different gestures over many years in order to fit in.  As such we have vast banks of analytical experience which most people wouldn’t have ever thought about.  Many of us, particularly with Asperger syndrome, have no trouble actually conveying emotions, intentions and characterisations once we are told exactly what these emotions and characterisations are.  And once we have discussed these, along with our own ideas, with the directors and fellow performers we can act just as well as anyone else. 

So in summary, in my experience mind-blindness is just as real as eye-blindness, and just as incurable, though we can often mask it well.   As such there probably won’t be a time when these mistakes stop happening, or when we don’t get anxious, irritated or stressed out about the unknown.  I think ‘mind-blind’ as a term for ASD encapsulates this idea perfectly.

My Current Worries

I am worried.  Not about anything in particular, but just generally worried.  One of the things that I find difficult – and that I am sure a lot of people find difficult – is not knowing plans.  First  I contacted my friend, who is the director of the show I perform in (and artistic director of the Theatre Company who runs the show).  I had missed a couple of rehearsals and asked him if a one to one meeting to discuss what was covered in rehearsals would be a good idea.  He suggested I meet him on Sunday 24^th July (tomorrow, as I type) from 7-9pm.  I said I could make it on Sunday, but it would be very tight and I would prefer to meet during the following week if at all possible.  He hasn’t got back to me.  I am going to have to say that I cannot meet him on Sunday now, as I can’t get the bus booked and travel arrangements in time, plus I have to help clear up the celebrations from my sister’s 21^st.  Or at least deal with the aftermath in some shape or form. 

Secondly, I recently contacted a restaurant/bar area about shift work they advertised, at £6.10 per hour.   They had told me to contact them when I could come over, and I left it for AGES.  They were kind enough to meet me when I finally did get in touch, and then later offered me a shift to induct me into the system, which I could not make because of my six monthly hospital appointment in Glasgow.  Again they said that was fine and would contact me when another shift became available.  That was earlier this week, so now I do not know when I’ll get summoned, but I do know that when I do I will need to drop everything and go. 

Thirdly my phone has given up the ghost.  Not the sim card, just the rest of it.  So I need to get a new cover for it.  Not a bad thing in itself, since about 50% of the screen didn’t work anyway, but until then I cannot use it. 

Fourthly I may be involved in the Fringe, and am meeting some friends on Tuesday to discuss ideas (one of which is a spoof Harry Potter, another of which is a spoof Sherlock Holmes).  But I don’t know where that will go.

Fifthly I am lucky enough that a theatre company has taken an interest in producing my first full length play.  The read through with potential cast, first production meeting and initial meetings have gone well, but I do not know when we’ll be meeting up again for the next stage.  So all together I have three appointments very possibly all for next week, and I don’t have concrete details for most of them.

Sixthly I am away from my hamster and my partner, as they are in Edinburgh, while I am up here in Inverness. 

Seventhly, I have just handed in my (late, but that’s ok) application for an M-Lit in creative writing, and have, by providence, received no less than FOUR references, when only two were required.  Two are in the required format, and two are in the form of printed emails (which are not strictly speaking allowed but the university allowed them).  I am just worried about what will happen if each referee finds out they were ‘surplus’ to requirements.  Of course they weren’t, but that is how they may feel.

Eightly I have a bunch of fan fiction emails that I really need to reply to, before updating my 112,000 word long Sherlock fan fiction. 

It has been helpful writing these out – puts them into perspective and allows me to develop a plan of action for any that need them, and think rationally about those that don’t need any action.

New Obsession

Still love Sherlock Holmes, but stumbled upon a new obsession quite by chance!  I was wandering through Youtube and looked up a song I really like called “It’s A Crime” by Magnetic Fields.  I came across a high quality home-made fan video for the song entitled “It’s A Crime To Fall In Love With DG”.

This is a montage from a wonderful American miniseries aired in 2007 called “Tin Man”.  Essentially it is a re-working of the much loved classic “The Wizard of Oz” by L. Frank Baum.  In this version a 20-year old Kansan waitress known to everyone as DG doesn’t feel at home in her Kansan farm with her rather domestic and sentimental parents.  Then some men referred to only as ‘Long Coats’ zap out of a tornado, bust into her house and attempt to assassinate DG.  Her parents say: “This wasn’t the way it was planned, but it’s our only hope and we have to take her there now – it’s time. “  They then tell her to trust them and push her into the tornado before jumping in themselves.

DG then wakes up in the two-sunned ‘Outer Zone’ or the ‘O.Z.’ where she is quickly imprisoned by savage, dwarvish, tribally-painted and clothed tree-dwellers, who are under the impression that she is a spy.  Suspended from a hanging cage, she encounters Glitch – a guy who was formally the Queen’s advisor before having half his brain removed by Azkadellia, the ‘sorceress of darkness’ who has tyrannised the entire O.Z. using her  army of ‘Long Coats’.  The reason DG was pursued by them was that she posed a threat to Azkadellia’s plan to lock the two suns in place behind the moon using a light-pulsing machine and a magic emerald, bringing darkness to the O.Z. forever.  The rightful Queen – who turns out not only to be the real mother of DG but also of Azkadellia – has been imprisoned.

DG and Glitch escape the cage and set out on a quest to discover DG’s past and unlock her memories, with an ultimate view to saving the O.Z. and its people, and reuniting DG with her family.  They encounter Raw – a leonine but very frightened psychic, whose people are tortured and exploited by Azkadellia.  They also rescue Cain – a former policeman (or ‘Tin Man’) of Central City who has spent fifteen years locked in a tin suit watching a looping holographic video of his family getting tortured and marched away by Long Coats.  They meet the Wizard (or Mystic Man) who gives them the vital information that helps them set off on their quest, and Tutor – a shape-shifter who can turn into a dog.  The last of these used to teach DG and Azkadellia as children, and as a child DG called him ‘Toto’.   In time it becomes apparent that Azkadellia is in fact possessed by an evil witch.  DG, through unlocking her memories, gains the knowledge she needs to save Azkadellia and get rid of the witch for good, saving her mother from imprisonment, her sister from possession, and the O.Z. from total destruction.

Now, what is it that I love about this?  The fact that it is at the end of the day about friendship, family, the importance of memories and close bonds, particularly between sisters, is very touching and beautiful.  The references to the original ‘Wizard of Oz’, which I have not read, were also very well integrated so that even I could spot them.  Zooey Deschanel and Alan Cumming, as well as Neal McDonough have major parts.  Alan Cumming plays Glitch, who reminds me a lot of myself.  Glitch has no sense of direction and fails to pick up on nonverbal cues or general ‘moods’, and yet at the same time is never insulting in any way, adds a comic element and is just out and out adorable.  Zooey Deschanel is also brilliant as DG.  She has a very fresh, childlike quality to her acting – she can do that wide-eyed, open-mouthed innocence of a little girl very well, whilst at the same time giving DG a bolshie, determined, highly intelligent, courageous and compassionate personality.  The music score is one of the best I have ever seen in a screenwork.  The scenery is breathtaking.  The costumes etch themselves into your memory and instantly create the impression of each character (the four main ones are analogous to Dorothy, the Lion, the Tin Man and the Scarecrow).  On the other hand the dialogue is often clunky, some of the acting can be a little dodgy and exaggerated, the story is a complete mess…and yet it all works.  You feel as if this is how it was always intended, and the messiness of the story actually gives the O.Z. a very rich, real feel to it. 

So those things have been keeping me busy over the past two months or so.  With a bit of luck I will be accepted into the M-Lit course in creative writing, which is a year full-time, and then maybe I can do the teacher training year.  This is something I know I CAN do, want to do and have spent years doing informally and in my spare time.  Fingers crossed…