I have a theory, and that is that a lot of my 'Aspergerish' behaviour comes from the intense obsessions I can go through.  I can have relatively short, fairly intense ones, or huge, long, all-consuming ones.  There is a pattern I have noticed to the really big, all-consuming ones:

- plenty of research material

- likely to last

- both thrilling and emotional.

What does it feel like to have an obsession?  Well, I've never used recreational drugs, and never will - partly out of moral scrupules but also because Maple Syrup Urine Disease does not allow for it.  But if I did, I'd imagine that the feeling I get when I have a proper obsession is rather like a cross between being on a high and being in love.  When people say 'legal high' the Asperger obsession, in my opinion, is the epitome.  I feel deliriously happy, fired and wired up, and there is an actual tangible floating sensation, rather like my mind has been released from my body.  I know when I have one of these obsessions I am in some ways liable to become 'lower functioning'.  Because my mind feels separate from my body I 'stim' a lot more - that means carry out unusual, comforting behaviours such as jiggling, rocking and flapping.  My temper also becomes more volatile.  Because all the happiness and stimulation I need is occuring in my brain I feel no need to be verbal.  I also sleep less and eat more erratically when I'm in an obsession.  The night before last I was up until 3am, and yet was not in the least tired the next day.

I know my traits notch up when I undergo a full scale obsession, so in some ways I overcompensate for it when I can.  I do try harder to be smiley and chatty, to keep my temper, to try to be affectionate and try to reach out to other people.  The overall effect can, if I carry it out well, can be wholly positive, as I can sometimes become a nicer person when I'm in an obsession.  I am much happier when I have a full blown obsession going, as it gives my life a template as it were, which prevents boredom.

About three weeks ago I watched the Sherlock Holmes film - the one with Robert Downey and Jude Law.  It was excellent.  I hadn't realised the great detective had Asperger syndrome.  Then Cathy lent me the book, and I devoured it - the entire works - in under two weeks.  There is divine inspiration in those pages.  Fantastic twists and action, an absolutely unique hero, and the most touching friendship in all fictional literature between Holmes and Watson, seamlessly woven into the story, and yet ever growing throughout the book. 

In this day and age it is excellent that there is increased tolerance of all sexualities, but abominable that any and all same sex affection (e.g. the 'man hug') is teased or that when it occurs, homosexuality is alluded to. It makes us afraid to write affection into our stories or display affection in life - particularly males.  These are two straight guys who lean on each other practically, mentally and emotionally, and the effect (and its differences to friendships involving only a couple of these three aspects) is astoundingly moving, whilst also enhancing the action.  At first as you read the story you worry that Watson will at some point become annoyed with Holmes's irregular habits, and Holmes will become annoyed with Watson's slowness on the uptake.  But this doesn't happen - the opposite happens.  And I find that very ironic, given the stories take place in the hyper-reserved Victorian Era.

The one thing I refuse to do as a fan is play the 'Great Game', as Sherlock Holmes fans (or 'Sherlockians') refer to it - the game being to pretend that Holmes and Watson were real life historical figures, and to study them accordingly, producing essays and monographs etc.  To me this is taking it to excess and is a waste of time and energy.  Of course, fanvids and fanfics could be argued to be so as well, but not nearly to the same extent.  There is a Harry Potter degree course at Durham University - this is the kind of madness I mean.  What kind of job needs a qualification in Harry Potter, and how does a Harry Potter course enhance transferrable wisdom and philosophical developmet in a way that simply reading and reviewing the book (with maybe a couple of character and symbolism studies) doesn't??

So anyway, a Youtube fanvid and much fan fiction will undoubtadly follow.

Now, the snug seat I mentioned...I WON it on ebay!!  Soon I will be owning Bach.  Many many thanks to Stephanie for her encouragement, approval and assistance.  I probably wouldn't have put in the bid if it wasn't for that.  Once I have it I will send a picture for this blog.