First I should define what I mean by cynicism.  Originally cynics were people who felt it was important to ‘get back to basics’ and too many systems and gadgets and materialistic possessions clouded life, rather than made it better.  My idea of the modern meaning of the world cynical is probably the unshakable disbelief in any good intentions of man, with the possible exception of one’s self, and therefore a disbelief that any action on the part of anyone will bring about a great deal of change or improvement for the future.  Basically I felt that cynicism meant preparing yourself and guarding yourself against darkness and disappointment so much that it made it hard to see the light and the reward of living.

I have tried to get rid of all serious cynicism of this kind in me.   I used to have a lot, from when I was five up until about the age of fifteen, but now any cynicism that I do have is generally tongue in cheek.  I know the world is a difficult place for many, if not most, people.  There are wars that spring from corruption, and there are individual misfortunes and tragedies, and there are natural disasters and natural misfortunes that occur due to the dynamics of the Earth and some in part due to pollution.   I have grown up with a condition that leaves me almost permanently craving certain foods that I can only have negligible amounts of, and yet having several patches of general overall food avoidance, in spite of which I must eat a proper amount at proper mealtimes, to prevent grave illness and death.  I have to drink large amounts of a synthetic and not very palatable formula every day, several times a day, quite possibly for the rest of my life.  I must try not to allow my body to go into metabolic stress, as this too can cause serious illness and/or death.  I am also on the autistic spectrum, asthmatic and have hay-fever allergies to numerous things, as well as bouts of IBS. 

But in spite of all this I am very lucky and maybe even a little pampered, in part necessarily so due to my metabolic condition.  As the Eleventh Doctor says: “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.  The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but likewise the bad things don’t have to spoil the good things or make them unimportant.”  I have lots of savings.  I have two places where I can look for jobs.  I have a loving partner and plenty of friends.  I’m warm, I’m dry, I’m clean, my body works well most of the time, I’m hardly ever bored and never legitimately so, I have talents, I am well fed and most of all I am well loved.   Any serious cynicism that pops up in me is driven out by overwhelming gratitude for what I have. 

One argument in favour of cynicism though is that it is wrong not to inform yourself of the corruption and devastation in the world, and then once you’ve informed yourself it must surely be wrong for you to feel content in a world which can tolerate such death, destruction and suffering.  My argument is that feeling content is not a bad thing, unless you are so afraid of your own happiness being spoiled as to shut your eyes to the things that need to be changed.  Informed, proactive contentment is a good thing, because if it is genuine and not a ‘shiny-happy-people’ act, and is well carried out, then people are often drawn to that and may follow the example.  But remember, it’s up to other people ultimately to decide whether they think your principles are good or not, because you have only one subjective viewpoint and they have many viewpoints, which, when combined, form an objective collective opinion which can maybe be trusted more (unless they’re conspiring against you, but that’s linked in some ways to paranoia and is a different blog post entirely).  All you can do is decide whether you agree with their opinions or not, and then whether to take action.

So that’s why I’m not cynical, and why I’ve always felt a little bit of disapproval towards really cynical people.  And because of that I’ve always felt an urge to avoid communicating with them, or if I have to, to try and ‘cure’ their cynicism.  I was afraid that I would be jaded by the attitude, which seemed like hard work with not a great deal of point to it.  In fact, possibly the only thing I was continuously cynical about up to this point was cynical people themselves.  Until now, that is. 

Just recently and for a number of reasons, my attitude has changed.  Sympathising with someone who is feeling cynical does not necessarily mean that you have to be cynical yourself.  It doesn’t mean you have to express or agree with opinions and sentiments.  It just means accepting their view and being an ear.  But likewise not being cynical doesn’t always mean being a ball of excited fluff squeaking manically and bouncing off the walls in happiness.  As for changing people, it’s never been up to us to try and make people change into someone different from what they are, and it causes frustration and disappointment in both parties if you try to do it.  The only way you might change someone is by accepting them completely for who they are and continuing to engage wholeheartedly with them, yet not compromising your principles and personality in the process.  And the only person you can change is yourself, so if you have a problem with somebody it is generally worth taking an objective look at your own attitude and principles in order to eliminate that as a factor in the problem.

All of that may mean at times that you find out that people you thought were going to be good friends can’t accept that you don’t share their views, and so don’t want to be friends with you after all.  And also it may mean that you choose not to be friends with some people whose views you feel uncomfortable with, and that’s ok.  Nobody would blame you for running a mile from Stalin for example, for fear that if you didn’t bend to his viewpoint and take it as your own, he would kill you.  Some views really are damaging – for example homophobia and racism, and being proactive in preventing hate is simply caring about and protecting other people.   But that doesn’t mean you have to make an enemy out of that person either.  You do what you need to do to successfully protect other people from being harmed and no more – you’re not morally obliged to hate them or hit out at them as well.

Although realisations like this often hurt at the time, making friends in this way means that the people who choose to be your friends will be real friends, whether they are cynical or not, because they will wholly accept you for who you are and are happy to engage with you as such and work through differences.  That doesn’t mean you won’t fight, sometimes like cats and dogs as many siblings will assert, but in a really good, equal friendship where people accept each other, baggage and all, this won’t matter in the long-run.

As for being ‘jaded’, that needn’t happen if you don’t want it to.  In fact, I have found that the exact opposite can happen, and it can be very enriching knowing people who are cynical.  Analogy:  The stars are always there, but sometimes you can forget about them or take them for granted during the day, even though you are pleased about the sunlight.  But when someone is cynical it acts like nightfall.  Suddenly the stars are clearer than ever, and you are awed by them, and you are reminded just how many of them there really are and how brightly they really shine.  It is impossible to take them for granted in the dark, and suddenly you and all your problems become insignificant and you just feel thankful for the good things about being alive. 

So in summary I think that is what the point of cynicism is:  To put things into proper perspective when we are worried, and give us that extra little reminder of everything good that we have.  And that’s not blissful ignorance – that’s just gratitude.  And anyone who can make you feel that has to be worth engaging with.