Some years ago my father-in-law told me this story, which he swore is true, but given he was a journalist you have to take that with a pinch of salt.  But I hope it is.

According to him this happened at a retiral presentation for a journalist in Glasgow.  At that time there was  a lot of friction with some of the old style journalists unhappy about the antics and tactics of some of the young guns, particularly those now in positions of power.  The story goes that one of the old guys had enough and put in for early retirement.  On the day of his leaving everyone gathered to to listen to the usual “what a guy’ stories.  The young guns did their bit saying what a loss he’d be etc etc.  Then they gave him his present.  And then it was his turn.  And his acceptance speech went something like this:-   “ I want to thank you all for coming along today and for the kind words.  Many of you may not know this but I am taking early retirement for health reasons.  For a long time now I have suffered terrible pains in my back, right between my shoulder blades.  But it seems to have gone now...”  and at that point from his pocket he produced a skean dhu, walked over to the heid honcho and said “I think this belongs to you”.  

Now my father-in-law claimed he was there, but he was a journo so you never know.  But I hope it’s true, I bet everyone reading this does.  And why is that?  Well, I think we would all like to have the courage to confront those we thought stabbed us in the back.  How many of us have played out those scenes in our head. The words we’d stun the backstabbing rat with would come easily then and we would think....yeah who’s feeling bad now then?  But sadly for most of us  (or perhaps for the better - as I’ve said before there are other opinions available out there) we are not quick enough with the retort, if able to find one at all.  And of course there are situation when we feel cheated when quite simply a sharp immediate put down does not do justice to how badly we feel.

And that meant until fairly recently that we would privately seethe.  Sometimes the issue would be minor and it would pass, however when it’s something huge, something that really matters it may not pass.  The hurt turns to anger, to resentment, to bile in your throat.  But times have changed.  Even the most isolated and private need not seethe alone.  Welcome to the world wide web.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTzd-BuBUuI

There are those who have no time for social networks, be they Facebook or forums.  They wonder, shake their heads and at times blatantly deride the people who feel it appropriate to share so much with people they may not have met, nor may ever do.  But personally I think they can provide an incredible opportunity for people to learn, to share and to support each other.  Those who have read my other blogs know that I am very honest about the stresses of raising a child who is different, and about depression.  I talk often about support and how we all need it and should seek it.  The support I have received has pulled me back from the edge on occasion.  That support has come not only from my closest safe places, my family and best friends, but from people who I may not have even physically met.  They are people I know through Facebook, through Contact a Family, through forums.  The relationships that can develop can provide us with support, friendship and allies.

The times they are still a changing.  Where once we privately seethed, nowadays it is common, acceptable and almost expected that we will share our views with people of a like mind.  And that changes everything.  Because suddenly the opportunity to confront, fight back or publicly denounce the person who stabbed us in the back is there and we are not alone.

Riven Vincent did not make front page news because she was at the end of her tether, she should have but let’s not be naive.  She made the news because she had met David Cameron (who many felt would champion the rights of children with disability) and because when she got to the end of her tether she shared it with her online friends, on mumsnet and the response was extraordinary. She felt let down by Cameron and many agreed.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOP6R3JvNHg

I’m not going to relay the story here.  Instead I am going to suggest you read this blog by The Burd.  http://wp.me/p10LDh-ez  

Her understanding of politics, her passion for supporting those of us with difficult lives and her ability to write about it in a way that is readable...well I cannot put into words my admiration for her abilities.  Read it and if you’ve any sense, an interest in politics or in damn fine music then subscribe.

What interests me is the way this became news, not by word of mouth, but by a click on a keyboard or phone.  All of a sudden people who feel let down have an avenue to find others who share their views, who will support them, who will stand by them and will champion them.

Because it’s not just that as individuals we can’t always find the words to stun the backstabber, bully or person we feel has wronged us.  If only it were that easy.  It’s also because as individuals we are often too scared to try.  As hard as this may be to stomach the truth is that those who stand up for themselves can often find there is payback.  No Local Authority is going to admit this, but stand back and be amazed parents who complain report there is often payback for doing so.  I always urge parents and carers to take someone with them to meetings, particularly if there are going to be any contentious issues.  I use an expression which I think I nicked..”never swim alone in shark infested waters”.  And yes I know there will be some who will say that term assumes that the professionals attending are aggressive.  Well I hate to tell you this but not all the sharks out there are as cute as the ones in Shark Tale.  The point - there’s safety in numbers.

And thanks to the web, to social networks and forums we have access to huge numbers of people who share our views and concerns.  And there’s not just safety in numbers is there?  The thing about numbers is they get attention.  One mum being at the end of her tether isn’t news. But what happens when all those at the end of their tether get together?  In the last few months I have witnessed families angry at the Scottish Parliament’s failure to pass the Autism Bill get together on Facebook to vent their fury.  Currently many organisations, including the Princess Royal Trust for Carers are asking people like us to contact the candidates in the forthcoming election to ask what they intend to do for the estimated 657,000 Carers out there.  Can you imagine what would happen if all those people could email those who make decisions?  If you want to be a part of that then check out the PRTC’s Facebook page, or directly contact Lynn Williams their policy officer.

You see it’s not just about confronting those who let us down.  It’s about telling them why they’ve let us down and how to make it better.

And some of you may well think, what’s the point?  Well think about this - a few months ago my friend Frank who works for the Forestry Commission emailed me and asked me to sign up to save the forests.  I did. So did many others, well over 400,000 and guess what...it worked!  If we can save our forests by standing up for what we believe, and do it together well just imagine what we could actually achieve for our families.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ver0lMNMgw

In these difficult times, more than ever we need to keep fighting, keep blogging, sharing, supporting and standing with each other. Sometimes we will be too tired to fight, and that’s the beauty of friends who support you, understand you and stand with you, at those times we will fight for each other. http://mp3bear.com/jacob-golden-shoulders#